What I Want

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Powerful moments often slip up on you. They may be disguised in ordinary situations but can stay with you for a lifetime. Such was our incident with the scissors.

It occurred several years ago when our 5-year-old granddaughter complained that her shears weren’t cutting. I gently tried to show her how to hold them more effectively, but I could tell that my method felt odd in her hands. She quickly decided my suggestion wouldn’t work, so she furrowed her brow and intensified her attempt to machete the strapping tape in two. With energized fervor but no increased skill, she finally stated strenuously, “I. Just. Want to do. What. I want to do!

Suddenly, I saw myself as a five-year-old in God’s eyes. He gently suggests patience, but I just want to do what I want to do. I may whine out of frustration, but I don’t pause for instruction or listen for His voice. When He corrects, I don’t want to hear it. No, I just want to do what I want to do. 

It isn’t that God doesn’t speak. Within the first chapter of the first book of the Scriptures, the phrase “God said” or “God called” is recorded fourteen times. The writer of Hebrews says that God “spoke long ago…in many portions and in many ways” (Hebrews 1:1). Sometimes He used visions and dreams, and sometimes He used messenger angels. Sometimes, He used prophets or shepherds; sometimes, priests or herders. He has spoken through a burning bush, a floating hand, a still small voice, and even a beast of burden. He doesn’t seem constrained by a particular method or demographic, for He speaks to both young and old. 

And I know that He has spoken to me. I’ve heard His still, small voice through His Holy Spirit. 

But a spiritual principle says if you want to know you must be willing to do (John 7:17). God never shares FYIs, only FYOs (for your obedience). He rarely speaks to a heart that just wants to do what they want to do. 

The half-brother of Jesus is pretty clear in his epistle. “If you ask, you won’t receive for you’re asking with corrupt motives, seeking only to fulfill your own selfish desires” (James 4:3 The Passion). Selfishness shuts off the gift. Yet how often have I merely asked for His opinion rather than His guidance? I listen to His wisdom long enough to decide whether or not I’ll choose to obey. What does that say about Who I really think God is?

I want my trust to be more than words. Today, I’m asking God to show me where my spoken faith and my active faith differ. If I say I believe He will care for me in every situation, can I prove it by laying down my worries about the future? If I say He works all things for my best, can I demonstrate it by loving the one who has hurt me deeply? Since I have received Christ Jesus the Lord, I want to walk in Him (Colossians 2:6).

Holy Father, reveal where my faith words differ from how I act. Let me clearly see You and confidently hear Your voice so that I am transformed. I want to know the relational, life-giving Jesus, not an ought-to life-sucking religion. May the little bit of Light I know You to be, lead me into a brighter pathway. I just want to do what You are doing. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.