Carrie Vipperman continues her post on leading your children through grief when you are going through it yourself.
If you missed yesterday’s post, get caught up before continuing so that you won’t miss any of this vulnerable and rich topic.
Dependence on God isn’t always as intense or painful as my miscarriage.
Over the last year, I learned that my children did not need me to follow a step by step guide on how to raise godly children that will succeed in life (something I unfortunately had tried to do at different times in their short lives).
They needed me to follow God in my daily life, to depend on Him to meet all our needs-emotional, spiritual, and physical. They needed to see me walk in His undeserved grace that alone can sustain moment by moment, second by second. Eliana needed to see our family get to a place of healing so she could also heal. We needed to produce “fresh water” so she could produce “fresh water” to borrow the language of James 3:12.
I think she helped me heal too as I let her into the journey. As she saw me write to our sweet Jordan (the name we gave our baby), she would draw Jordan pictures to put in our special journal.
We heard her offer up her own prayers about the loss. She talked about how she wished Jordan was still with us, and then we would talk together about Heaven and the day when we would meet Jordan and how she could go to Heaven one day too.
She helped me sew Jordan’s quilt, and we gradually brought some closure to it all. Slowly, we learned how to walk again, instead of just being carried by our caring God who sees us.
Granted, we were holding on for dear life to God’s Hand as we started to stumble along, but isn’t that where we should always be? Holding on to the God who will uphold us with His righteous right hand.
My husband and I saw in a fresh way that we are two of the best tools that Father can use in teaching our children what an authentic relationship with God looks like.
When I spend the day complaining, they spend the day complaining.
When I spend the day being thankful, they help me add to the always increasing list.
When I am not afraid to pray, wherever we might be, then they will offer up their own spontaneous prayers throughout the day.
When I focus on chores and get frustrated that they aren’t getting done, they act out in frustration as well.
As we freely talk about God’s Word to them at home, in the car, and out and about, I find myself surprised at how unashamedly Eliana talks about God and His Word when we are out and about (my two year old, Titus, unashamedly grunts and says hello to everyone he meets). They reflect me and where I am in my walk with God on so many levels and in so many ways. Sometimes, this looks good. Sometimes, it doesn’t.
I have one overwhelming desire for my children—that they fall madly in love with the God who sent His Son to die for them and then spend the rest of their lives walking with Him.
So, if that is my desire for them, then I better be madly in love with the God who sent His Son to die for me and spend the rest of my life walking with Him. A fig tree cannot produce olives. A sea of salt water will not produce a sea of fresh water.
A mommy who does not abide in Christ will struggle to see her children abide in Christ.
For me, this is a liberating and freeing truth. I’m slowly learning to allow God to create a daily checklist for me. That checklist always begins with seeking Him. Then, the rest of the day needs to be open to His leading. Giving all of myself to Him each day will always help me be the mom they need me to be.
What is your key to authentic relationship?