“Look Mommy! It’s fat-bottom wrestling!” Maybe your children grew up on football and Disney. Mine grew up on sumo and PiYo PiYo. Our three-year-old was especially fascinated by sumo. Who wouldn’t be entranced by two hefty, thong-clad giants who stomp in, throw stuff on the floor, and then push one another around? We were introduced to …
The Window To the World
“Speak English, Mommy.” Obviously, my plan wasn’t working. When we moved to Asia, I began studying Chinese and wanted my preschool daughters to do the same. Yet, every time I spoke Mandarin to them, I heard the same three words: “Speak English, Mommy.” Frustrated, I sent them outside to play while I went back to memorizing my …
Chinese 101
Learning Chinese is a fascinating endeavor. Especially if you consider banging your head against the wall thrilling. As you have probably heard, Mandarin is one of the hardest languages to learn. I like this statement, as it justifies my own Chinese language ineptitude. One of the first problems in studying Mandarin is getting used to the pronunciation. Sure …
Squatty Potty 101
After extensive examination in a field devoid of systematic study, I would like to propose a treatise on a topic rarely divulged. By personal investigative reporting (over one hundred thousand deep knee bends), I submit this authoritative essay on “The Golden Bowl of the East:” the squatty potty. The origin of the name “Golden Bowl” has been debated, …
Diners, Dives and Dangling Ducks
Some of my favorite restaurants have dead ducks in the window. I didn’t always feel that way. Growing up, I assumed that even Abel’s offering to God was covered in cellophane. My Pollyanna view of life didn’t include skinning, gutting or blood-letting. Taiwan, on the other hand, has an “arise, kill and eat” motto. If there was a …
The Adrenal Gland is Connected to the Solar Plexus
Seems that no one ever correctly explains what to expect from your first Asian foot massage. So, year after year, thousands of unsuspecting Americans are duped into shedding their socks for this ancient method of Chinese reflexology. That’s not to say that I don’t like a good foot massage. But, somehow it’s kinda like all addictions. You probably throw-up or …
Epidermis Eaters and Killer Calves
Within days of arriving in Taipei, I realized that Taiwanese women had a definite advantage over me: they had incredible calves. American women go to great lengths to exercise their calves. We buy slant boards, mini steppers and workout DVD’s out the wazoo. But in large Asian cities, all of these devices are built into society. They are …
The Smell of Cardboard and Ugly Awnings
I’m not sure if it’s the smell of the cardboard or finding dead bugs underneath the sink, but moving never brings out my best. Mark knew this too, as he always needed to climb a ladder when my moving stress escalated. Actually, I think that he got up there to inhale the last molecules of breathable oxygen from the living room. …
Back in the U.S.Aye
“Table for two?” Martha and I nodded. I was home from Asia and looking forward to lunch with my high school friend. Surveying the restaurant, I was reminded that I was back in America. No plastic sushi on display, no Chinese characters explaining the day’s specials and no ducks hanging by their roasted necks. The only roasted necks …
Today’s English Lesson
“We’ll catch a cab,” Mark announced as he stepped toward the curb and extended his hand. We’d been in Taiwan about three weeks and although our Mandarin language skills had the finesse of a plate of sweet and sour pork, we could say our address. If that two syllable word was misunderstood, we could always hand over the …
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