Holy Father,
How little I rest in You. My soul is like a hummingbird, flitting from flower to flower, truth to truth – expending most of the spiritual energy I derive by just skimming over Your Word, rather than drinking deeply. Yet, You still hold out the Sabbath rest before me, saying “This is the day to rest” (Hebrews 4:9,7).
Because I so rarely stop to drink in the sweet nectar of Your Presence, I assume that You must thus be hiding Yourself from me. I weigh Your work by what I feel and am easily discouraged because I don’t find an immediate sensation. Seems You must always remind me that You are greater than my wavering heart (1 John 3:20).
My mind also lies at fault. Even my loftiest thoughts cannot perpetuate Your Presence. I think and think – trying to fan up a flame of sincere intelligence. New “spiritual” exercises deceive me. I assume that doing stuff for You is the same as waiting before You. I seek goodness within myself rather than within You, my Savior. I’m sorry.
In resting, I’m like a little child, first laid in her bed. I sing, I talk, I toss – then get up to explain that I didn’t need the nap after all. Nevertheless, You know my frame. Know me to be far weaker than I could ever imagine. You realize that without this time of rest, I’ll be incorrigible, crying and whining at the least provocation. And so, You tuck me back in, sometimes quite sternly, seeing ahead to what I truly need.
Resting. Silence. Waiting.
Such foreign concepts when it comes to spirituality.
When I do set my will to rest in You, I blame You for purposely dragging Your feet as You don’t immediately do what I want. I’m occupied with what my obedience should “get” me, rather than just resting in Who You are. Impatience is a tell-tale sign that true resting isn’t taking place. I must surrender even the timing unto You.
Remind me that only You can accomplish what concerns me (Psalm 57:2). Reveal these truths to me in such a way that they permeate my very core. Teach me to allow every spiritual muscle to so relax before You, that faith takes over my every response. Help me to stop working on my faith and allow You to simply take over. Selah.
–