A Look Back

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When I, a young Christian, stood still before Him,
I stood in a tremble, awaiting His call.
I wanted His favor. I sought it with earnest.
My youth and my passion —I gave Him my all.


“A wonderful plan” said the book set before me.
A wonderful plan, oh my soul, could it be?
“You’ve freedom from fear. You have freedom from struggle.
You’re precious in His sight; New things you will see.”


With songs of commitment, I made my surrender.
With songs of commitment, my tears they did flow.
I thought of my future, I pondered my prospects.
Oh! What would I do and Oh! Where would I go?


Though life held adventure and yes many blessings,
My life also full of its testings and trials.
The path proved quite rocky, exhausting and toilsome,
Confusing and twisting amidst many miles.


No longer a young one, I sit quiet for Him,
I sit and I think of the life I have lived.
My vows and my thoughts — they all focused about me.
Not Him, just His strength and the gifts He could give.


The pride and the power He’s broken in His way.
In His way, He’s decreased my fire and my zeal.
I watched as my flesh and my heart, they did fail me.
Discouragement, weakness — my soul they did heal.


To save your life, loose it; To loose your life, save it.
To save it, I must let Him live within me.
My decrease, His increase; His increase, my decrease.
These words are my power. Please God, let it be.


Not rules, nor my passion accomplish this vigor.
Not rules, for the law only leads us to Him.
We live by the spirit; so walk by the spirit.
Our choice must be purposed, not made with a whim.


Not I, but my Jesus. This life’s not about me.
Not I, what a hard proclamation to breathe.
I’m older and wiser, but still quite uprising.
My words do not always put me underneath.


In youth, it was life that I lived to the fulness.
In youth, I committed to move forward fast.
And now, I have realized for Him to be only
I now must die daily, at His feet be cast.


My body more feeble. My energy waning.
My eyes they grow dimmer, but more they do see.
The outer man dying, the inner man living —
Expanding in comfort of heaven, not me.


His grace is sufficient for us in our weakness.
His grace is His favor pursuing each day.
Yet favor does not mean our happiness always
Sometimes best is wand’ring and losing our way.


So child, getting better is never His purpose,
This tweaking, adjusting and and living just right.
It’s not how you look, with your words and commitment.
Instead it is His Light within you so bright.


Then rest, soul beneath Him. Be silent. Draw closer.
Then rest in the lowness of humility.
The lower your portion, the quicker you find Him.
In weakness, in quiet, there’s tranquility.




Photo courtesy of Sara Jeng Grewar. Follow her on Instagram.