I think that this must have been my mother’s mantra. When I whined about doing something I didn’t want to do, she most often found a way to slip this into the conversation. “Don’t forget the Golden Rule,” she would remind.


So as an adult, I’m often reminded to think through how I want to be treated before acting on my impulses. I carry it out pretty well with my neighbors and do a decent job in the grocery line. I can be fairly polite to the lady behind the pharmacy counter and I’m usually patient with the guy serving me at the restaurant.


But for some reason, I found my real break-down at home.


With Mark.


My very, own husband.


Yep. The flames of marriage seem to tarnish the Golden Rule. Why is that?


I’ve come up with at least three good reasons:


The truth of who I really am is uncovered at home.


Random acts of kindness may impress strangers, but just look like spasmodic blips to my spouse. After all, “when self is in charge of the control, I don’t have much self-control” (Hungry For More: Feasting through the Word, p. 29).


Marriage must be more than erratic nice deeds. My commitment to Mark takes a systematic determination of my will, not a sudden flush of good feelings. He knows me too well for that. Forgiving a spouse involves regular face-to-face meetings with the Ultimate Forgiver.


I’ve been influenced by society’s remake of the Golden Rule. In essence: “Walking the second mile for others is praise-worthy; walking the second mile for a husband is demeaning.


This is just another of satan’s rebellious lies. “It is necessary to be in subjection” (Romans 13:5). For men, for women, for citizens, and for children. Even Christ Himself “will be subjected to the One who subjected all things to Him, that God may be all in all” (1 Corinthians 15:28).


I must raise up my shield of faith to extinguish these lies, in all their forms (Ephesians 6:16). Yielding to my husband teaches me how to submit to my God. This is one of His many truths that frees me (John 8:32).


I don’t want to endure the heat to form the gold.


This rule is golden because it is tested through fire. And only the hottest fires produce the most precious metal.


By it’s very composition, marriage causes sparks. Sometimes, it ignites passion. Sometimes, anger.


Anytime you rub two metals together, you are going to get heat. In marriage, we are the two alloys that first kindle the flame, and then must submit ourselves to the fire we ignited. It takes a hot fire to meld together a strong home. 


When I am willing to “do unto Mark as I want him to do unto me”, then the Golden Rule is revealed for just how precious it truly is.





2 Responses

  1. Lisa says:

    Kandy, You have me thinking again.

    Greg is the man I Endure The Heat with.

    Greg starts his day at 5:45 am. I have no idea what this time of day looks like. And I have no desire to find out. Greg, knowing the heat he would have to endure alone should he wake me, prides himself on how quiet he can be.

    About an hour after Greg leaves, I make my way to the kitchen in hopes of finding a “Good Morning” note. I’m always giddy and smiley when he leaves one for me. I read it several times before carefully tucking it away in my love letter drawer. On the days I awake to no “Good Morning” note, I find myself a little put out and wondering why Greg didn’t take the time to leave me one. I usually act like a teenage girl who’s failed to get a response from the boy she has passed a “I think you’re cute note” to.

    Does Greg feel the same way when he gets out of bed at 5:45 am and there is no “Good Morning” note whispering his name? Sure he does. He’s told me many times how much he loves my notes. Last year, I was looking through his DayTimer and guess what fell out? Yes, there, on the floor, was one of the “Good Morning” notes I had written him soon after we got married. It made me grin. It was one of my better compositions.

    Isn’t it lovely how something as simple as a “Good Morning” note from the person you Endure The Heat With can make you giddy so early in the morning? If I may be so bold as to suggest, it gives a new meaning to the word “Heat”.

    I’m going to make Greg giddy tomorrow morning….Because, I need HIM to continue wanting to Endure The Heat with ME.

    • Kandy Persall says:

      “Someone you endure the heat with” –what a great way to put it, Lisa. We do need one another – even when one or the other isn’t acting especially lovely. You go girl. Go make him giddy. We love you both.

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