Holy Father,


Thank You for being My Lamp this past year. As I look back, I see that You were always there, shining Light on every dark situation (2 Samuel 22:29).  I have to admit that there were times that I felt quite blinded, like someone was holding their hand in front of my face. But, thank You that Your Light is an inner one, leading me from the depths despite what I feel (2 Samuel 22:31). With You as my hope, I know that You will not only keep guiding me in the coming year, but also be my Place of refuge when I can’t see clearly (Psalm 119:105; 2 Samuel 22:31).  I’m glad to know that no matter what the coming year holds, I carry within my frail heart the brilliant power of God (2 Corinthians 4:7).


2016 looks a little scary, Father. Violence, evil and hatred seem rampant. If I let my emotions take over, I’ll slip and slide through the coming year, falling and failing at every turn. But when I remember that I can always run to You, I am comforted to know that You are my hiding place — One that I can always run to and find shelter within (2 Samuel 22:33).  You have given me hinds’ feet – perfect for stepping through precarious situations and getting to the high things of the Kingdom (2 Samuel 22:34). Keep me moving towards glory, not merely towards being dulled with entertainment and knowledge (2 Corinthians 3:18; 2 Timothy 3:7). 


Teach me to pray this year. Train my spiritual hands to use Your offensive weapons deftly for both offensive and defensive battles in the heavenlies (2 Samuel 22:35).  Reveal Your heart to me, so that my every prayer will press forward on behalf of the world, always shielded by Your faithful salvation (2 Samuel 22:36). 


As You know, I’m quite a mess, Lord. Enlarge my steps underneath me this year, so that my feet won’t slip back into selfishness, but will walk firmly in Your Spirit (2 Samuel 22:37; Galatians 5:16). Gird me with daily strength for the war room, while You align my thoughts and emotions with Yours (2 Samuel 22:40; 2 Corinthians 10:5). Deliver Your people from the contentions and complaints of the enemy(2 Samuel 22:44).


You are alive and active, O Lord (Hebrews 4:12). Remind me often to bless Your Name as my Strength and exalt You as the Rock of my salvation (2 Samuel 22:47).  Draw me after You so that we may run together through 2016 (Song of Solomon 1:4). In Jesus Name, Amen.



I query
I question
Problem looming, awkward and heavy
Obstacle mounting


I puzzle
I ponder
Thoughts upturning, spilling and staining
Logic fleeting


I brood
I bleed
Emotions surging, turbulent and shifting
Sentiment boiling


I lament
I languish
Character evanescent, evaporating and ephemeral
Intention inadequate


A breath.

A wisp.

A vapor.


I stop
I squint
Dilemma hovering, damp and stagnant
Complication suffocating


I inspect
I introspect
Reflection contaminated, smeared and blackened
Rationale unstable


I glance
I glimspe
Passion despairing, angry and despondent
Agitation stirred


I fix my eye
I focus
Fleshliness stilled, hushed and silenced
Resolve faltering


A fragment.

A stanza.

A Voice.


I clutch
I clasp
Mountain diminished, overshadowed and relative
Perspective altered


I grasp
I grapple
Understanding broadened, swelling and spreading
Wisdom increasing


I hold
I hug
Hope returning, slowly and silently
Faith prevailing


I seize
I scuffle
Determination rebounding, steadily and progressively
Assurance restored


We pray although we know not how.
He intends to pass by, but we reach out
Grappling, wrestling and will not let go.
We pray because we can do no else.
He desires our depth, but we comprehend not
Arms flailing, hands clawing, heart pounding,
We pour out our souls and find it messy beyond belief.
Yet, our perseverance is accredited to us as faith.
Our propinquity with Him, regardless of our emotion —
Our presence proves our persistence.
And with this He is pleased.


Photography by Sara Jeng Grewar. Follow her on Instagram.