I love today’s post from my husband, Mark. He is not only a wise leadership coach, he is also a meticulous gardener, So, I can say that he speaks with authority on this issue.
(Don’t believe me? Here he is rushing to put down fertilizer before it snows. He didn’t even change clothes!)
When used regarding marriage, the phrases, “How blessed I am!” and “What am I missing?” are worlds apart. Unfortunately, the distance is too often traveled at light speed.
We all have experienced those awkward conversations that start with, “I wish my spouse…was as spontaneous as…was as refined as…sang like…talked like….walked like…acted like”…and on and on. Why be deluded that the grass is greener elsewhere?
Kandy and I learned early on to appreciate one another as we are, if nothing else for one simple reason; we’d been attracted to one another as we were, not as we might one day be. In our 34 years across multiple cultures, we have interacted with would-be friends living just short of a perfect marriage.
Just short, you ask? It seems that each only needed their spouse to make “a few minor adjustments”.
The slippery slide of comparing your spouse to others dumps you directly into a pool of discontent. Plug and play personality parts where imaginary spouses can be assembled at will do not exist. We learned years ago to stay away from that slope. Instead, affirm what attracted you to your mate. Words of affirmation serve to remind you both.
Kandy connects well with other women, mentoring some to achieve high levels of success. I would hope that a portion of that comes from my encouragement of her vulnerability, honesty, and desire to become who God has created her to be. And conversely Kandy has encouraged me as a discerner of people and processes. Throughout our married life, I gravitate to opportunities to utilize those skills.
Stop wishing your spouse was more like…
Instead, start watering and nurturing the spouse you have. The grass is always greener where you water it.